


Let the Merlin in

by keeperofstories



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern with Magic, Angst, Depression, Established Relationship, Healing, Kinkalot 2020, M/M, Masturbation, PTSD, Self-Acceptance, character with a disability, kinkalot 2020 bingo fill
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-03
Updated: 2020-08-03
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:02:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25681009
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/keeperofstories/pseuds/keeperofstories
Summary: Arthur knows he's driving Merlin away. He thought he could handle this by himself. Turns out, fear isn't as big when you share it with the man you love.Based on this picture prompt: https://i.imgur.com/jnEZ4kT.jpg
Relationships: Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Comments: 33
Kudos: 72
Collections: Kinkalot 2020





	Let the Merlin in

With steely determination, Arthur tore down the blanket that had been covering the full-length mirror in his bedroom in one swift motion. In what felt like a life-time, Arthur stared at his reflection. 

Arthur stood before the mirror, starkers, and forced himself to examine the damage. He had regained some of the muscle he’d lost whilst recuperating but not his healthy glow—his pale skin made him look like he should be out haunting someone, with only red swathes of new, healing skin stretched across his torso breaking up the white. Though his face had mostly escaped unscathed, there was still a thick line of newly formed scar tissue distorting the shape of his cheek. 

The scars were not what had spurred him to hurl his thickest quilt over the offending mirror all those months ago, though—it was his legs. Or, more precisely, it was where his legs ought to be instead of curved metal. 

Arthur heard the practical voice of Dr. Gonzalez in his head, urging him not to push himself too far, not to risk all the progress and healing he had already made by forcing what he wasn’t ready for. He understood that his mind was slower to heal than his body and he needed to put in the work but Arthur was tired. He was tired of running around London for doctor’s appointments. He was tired of talking when all he wanted to do was fight. He was a soldier, dammit, give him an enemy to confront. He didn’t know how to overcome a threat that resided inside his head. He was tired of pills and pitying looks and feeling phantom pain in legs that weren’t even there. But most of all, what made him even sicker than waking up in a hospital bed with two stumps bandaged tight, he was tired of the way he’d been treating Merlin. A proper partner didn’t shout obscenities and insults, a partner didn’t refuse to share his fears, and a partner _should_ be able to get it up for his lover! No matter how undemanding said lover had been. He was doing this. 

Taking a fortifying breath, Arthur focused on his face and neck, the most unchanged parts of him and started to let his hand wander. The texture was different, his hand encountered a mosaic of rough and smooth skin as it explored his chest, leaving teasing pinches on his nipples. Arthur took slow, calming breaths as he told himself to relax under his ministrations. His second hand joined the first, squeezing his pecs as he imagined Merlin on his knees before him, reaching up to his tits whilst taking Arthur down, engulfing him in the heat of his mouth. 

Keeping his hands above his thighs, Arthur brushed them down his stomach and around to the small of his back, fighting through the pressure it put on his shoulders. Arthur sank his hands lower to grab his arse, kneading as he imagined Merlin’s hot cock rutting against his cleft. 

A tightness started to build within Arthur’s stomach. Finally, heat that didn’t have anything to do with pain began to burn within him and when Arthur gave the lightest of sweeps along his cock, it actually twitched in interest. Encouraged by this success, Arthur followed up with a bolder stroke, wrapping his hand around the base of his cock and sliding it down so he could rub his palm over the tip. It was a dry, rough pull as he had somehow forgotten lubricant and yet by the end of it Arthur was sporting a semi for the first time in ages. A soft chuckle of wonder escaped him as he thrust his hips slightly into his hand, clenching his arse as he remembered being driven into and filled, complete. Whole. 

“Dammit!” Arthur shouted. He had made the mistake of looking down at his “legs.” Whatever pleasure he had been feeling fled as he gazed at his broken body. Dr. Gonzalez had been helping him accept the metal legs, to see them as not some oddity but as a different, new part of himself. In some respects, he’d made progress; he’d even started his morning jogs again. But he didn’t know how to feel sexy in this new body and he was afraid that, if he couldn’t, no one else would either. 

“Get hard, damn you,” Arthur raged as he savagely stripped his cock, so focused on himself that he didn’t hear the door to his room open and close. 

“Arthur?” Merlin asked softly and Arthur froze, hand gripping his limp dick as he saw Merlin take a tentative step towards him through the reflection of the mirror. 

Merlin had been so supportive and patient since Arthur’s injury but Arthur knew it wouldn’t last forever, that his actions had put a dangerous strain to their relationship and that they teetered on a knife’s point with Arthur’s next move deciding which side they fell on. He wanted to rail, to rant, to shove his humiliation at Merlin until he admitted that Arthur was no longer a man. 

Arthur gasped as he suddenly recognized the self-sabotaging thoughts for what they were, that it was about fear, not his legs, and he took a leap of faith. 

“Merlin,” Arthur said, his voice sounding tight, “Please.” Arthur didn’t know how to finish his plea, he didn’t know what he was asking for, but he knew he couldn’t shut Merlin out anymore. Not without losing him. 

Merlin was a dark, lean figure as he walked over to Arthur, wearing a simple black t-shirt and jeans. Arthur tracked his movement in the mirror’s reflection until he felt Merlin’s radiating heat all along his back, Merlin’s gaze meeting Arthur’s in the mirror. 

“Can I touch?” Merlin asked quietly and Arthur was shocked to hear the heat in the request. With a gulp, Arthur answered, “Yes.” 

Merlin ran his large hands down Arthur’s chest, stopping to press into his soft belly, no longer a chiseled six-pack. 

“Arthur,” Merlin whispered into his ear before giving the lobe a nibble. “You refuse to believe my words,” Merlin continued as he ran his right hand up Arthur’s body until it reached his collarbone, where it paused, as if testing out Arthur’s reaction. Arthur reached up and gave the hand a squeeze, receiving a peck to his cheek in response. “Will you agree to feel my emotions instead?” 

Arthur’s breath caught at Merlin’s question. The last time they had done that was when Arthur had told Merlin he loved him. He was a completely different man now; did he really want to risk feeling Merlin’s revulsion? 

“Yes,” Arthur said quickly before he could talk himself out of it. Merlin gave him a brilliant smile and then they were awash in hazy gold as Merlin. 

_Love_. What Arthur felt as Merlin let him in was love. It wasn’t “love despite his legs”, it was a love that anticipated the constant change of life and loved anyway. Arthur reveled in it. 

Merlin’s arms around him tightened in a quick embrace before his hand at Arthur’s collarbone swept up to tilt Arthur’s head back, the strong hand splaying all along his exposed throat, giving Merlin access to descend onto Arthur’s neck with a vengeance, sucking at Arthur’s pulse point. 

Merlin’s hopeful, loving emotions shifted, deepened as passion built within him as he kissed and bit along Arthur’s neck, his other hand pressing against Arthur’s belly, keeping him still. Arthur felt the bulge of Merlin’s erection press into his arsecheeks and the zing of desire that produced within Merlin. 

Merlin couldn’t fake this, not with Arthur’s emotions entwined with his own like this. Arthur gasped as, incredibly, he felt himself harden. 

He relaxed his head against Merlin’s shoulder, allowing Merlin to support him, as he took his cock in his left hand, bringing the other back to Merlin’s hip, urging him to thrust. Merlin was quick to oblige. 

“You’re gorgeous, Arthur,” Merlin murmured as they started a slow pace, Arthur coordinating long pulls of his cock with the slow press of Merlin’s clothed cock against his arse. Arthur felt Merlin’s sincerity and wondered if Merlin could help him see this new him with different eyes. 

Arthur took Merlin’s hand off his neck so he could look down and take in the sight of them both. Merlin’s heated gaze bore into Arthur’s as he led Merlin’s hand to his cock. Together, eyes never straying from each other’s, they fueled the fire between them, sharing their pleasure with the other as Merlin’s magic swirled around them. 

Arthur took in the sight of the two of them, Merlin’s dark head against his golden, both their hands working Arthur’s cock…and legs spread. Metal legs that Arthur could either accept or ruin his life over. Taking in this new picture of himself held within Merlin’s loving arms, Arthur accepted what war had thrust upon him. With one final twist of the wrist, Arthur came with a cry.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank y'all for reading!
> 
> I hope you liked it :D
> 
> Comments and Kudos are greatly appreciated!


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